. much more than any person I had ever massaged. It was effortless, magical, hypnotic and always something I didn't want to stop. Sex with her was initially not on my mind. Melting into the vibe we shared was, and continued to be my goal every time we repeated. So here we are, about 30 minutes into our first massage. Tom is fully erect. Ash is mercilessly teasing the poor guy making him shake the bed we are all in together and Becky... She starts this soft adorable snore. Tom thought that was hilarious and later teased her. I knew better. She and I were sync'ed up in a powerful way. She wasn't simply sleeping. She was drifted in and out of a conscious state for the next couple hours. It felt like we were riding waves together and more intensely so than any massage I had ever experienced. So while Becky and I were in this sacred sexy zone... Tom and Ash were into full throttle sex, massage, then sex again, switch massage roles, more sex. Then switch again. More sex. Simply acting like. Then it dawned on me that it was probably because I wasn't going to hear from her again. I was sort of relieved. It'd hurt a lot when the ex left and it still did, even after all these years. I didn't know if I was hoping she'd call or hoping she wouldn't call.__________ Wednesday Her first "Hard thing:" By Wednesday night I'd convinced myself that she wouldn't call and that I'd be better off if she didn't. I reasoned that my life wouldn't get all shook up and stressful. I could stay relaxed and safe. The word "unfulfilled" stayed completely out of my mind. I didn't answer the phone until the third ring and my voice might've wavered a little when I said, "Hello." "Thank you for answering. I didn't think you would. I was so sure that I almost didn't call. I know that you need to know at least the basics of our troubles. I'm hoping that we can mostly talk about easier things for a while and get to my hard things a little at a time. It isn't easy.
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